Click here for part two of the spoof series.
After meeting my long-lost NPC twin on a trip back to Southern San d'Oria [S], Ragelise and I decided to celebrate by hitting the local night club. Apparently, Rage is an officer for the Royal Army and is very interested in a Dancer named Portia.
The show finally started with Portia and two others taking the stage, and Rage decided to ask which Dancer I liked the most. Since I had no real preference, I chose the one in the middle one because she had blazing red hair like mine. Rage then told me her name was Lilisette, a child born from a Hume mother and Elvaan father. This shocked me because I initially thought she was just an Elvaan child.
If you choose Lilisette as your favorite Dancer, she gives you a slightly different (read: erotic) dance for the cutscene above. As a result, I decided to stalk her after the show and left Rage and Portia to a quiet moment. After exiting town, I found Lily with a group of her friends in East Ronfaure [S], so I started playing Peeping Tom from the shadows.
Unfortunately, Lily caught on and demanded to know what I was doing. Quickly, I told her that I writing a column for the Tarutaru Times, but Lily saw through my lie and demanded I get lost, even after I offered her a Cait Sith apology plushie. Oh, some ladies are just too difficult to please.
But fate would have us meet once more. Rage soon requested that I travel to La Vaule [S] with him and help safeguard the town, and as luck would have it, Lily, Portia, and their dancing troupe would be accompanying Rage. Unfortunately, Lily and I got off to an awkward reunion, but things got interesting when a Kindred assault force breached the town's perimeter. It was not long before fighting broke out in the streets.
Yes, lots of helpless knights were caught off guard like the one above. Rage then asked me to escort the villagers, Portia, and the rest of her Dancer troupe to safety, but I knew he secretly wanted all the glory to himself!
Unfortunately, I ended up getting the refugees lost and angry -- especially Lilisette. Snippy suggested a shortcut through some shady acres, and a few minutes later, we were ambushed by some fashionably-challenged purple mages. Yes, that is right, purple mages!
Luckily, Rage doubled back and found us just in time. However, I am still having trouble deciphering his job. Wait, he is a Paladin!
No, a Dragoon!
He is Tom Cruise from "The Last Samurai"? Come on Rage, pick a job already, and give me a chance to impress the ladies.
What is this, you are letting me have this dragon-thing to myself? Why thanks, Rage; surely, this will impress Lilisette. Snippy, dinner time!
Regarding this fight, I managed to solo it on BST/NIN, but I found it more difficult than I had expected. Supposedly, a BST was able to slay the Dragon using only one LDL and two Pet Food Zeta Biscuits, but I ended up calling Snippy twice.
Expect this fight to be a slightly tougher Maat fight, where your pet and your foe exchange 80 to 150 damage hits. The Dragon also uses "Regain" and "Draw-In," so if you are used to attacking from the rear, you should attack from the side instead. I also used a bunch of Hi-Potions for this fight, but I think one might be able to win with only three or four.
After slaying the Dragon, the brat who summoned it also dropped to his -- I did not think he was a man either -- knees and started moping over his dead pet. Of course, I could not kick a man while he was down, but if he got up just a little...
... and it does not look like that will be happening anytime soon. Since I really wanted Aquila out of my sight, I decided to explain his Dragon's death in terms of a popular trading card game. Here goes: I sacrificed two Courier Carries and eight Hi-Potions to play "GAME OVER" on your Dark Dragon. Now start running, Aquila...
... I will even give you a head start. Oh snap, Rage has been injured?! Lily, what are you murmuring? Father? She is your daughter, Rage?! Oh, I am so sorry for stalking her earlier. Please do not fire me, sir; I have a Crab and Liabelle to feed!
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